The following passage was dug up in the Mojave Desert by our fine group of archeologists the other month. It took about three weeks to decrypt the message. Ulrich Bacon, our senior archaeologist estimated that this passage was written on November 22nd, 1963… the same exact day that John F. Kennedy was assassinated.

“Who Shot My Cock Off”

By Unknown

I’m looking for the man who shot my cock off earlier today and dropped me out of a helicopter in the middle of the fucking desert. My lap is bleeding out and I miss my cock.